Posts Tagged ‘social’

Saving the Family/Marriage – an uphill task for Indian Men

July 7, 2010

Since the beginning of civilization, a Family, the smallest & fundamental social unit of society is serving the purpose of primary training ground for nurturing physiological, emotional, social and psychological  needs/strengths of an individual irrespective of his/her gender. As Family is a strongest pillar of a society & civilization, it needs strong bonds of ethics, values & morals to remain intact and meaningful. More so, because wherever, a group of people resides together some collision in thoughts and life style bounds to happen. Therefore, family values are important and should be cherished and nurtured. Love, support, friendship, and guidance are key qualities necessary to form a strong family bond. The nation/ society having strong family system can easily absorb any external or internal trouble/threats and it icons a true vibrant society.

             India was once known for it’s very strong Joint Family System, so practiced since from ancient times and strongly interwoven by ethics & values. The family was headed by an oldest person mainly Man ( however, in some parts of India by Female) who was having responsibility as well as authority to safeguard purpose and the key qualities of family bond alongwith passing on the ethics & values over to next generations. But the in-roads (in the name of so called development) of western culture, media, equality, rights, empowerment etc. in the society has shattered this concept of Indian joint family and the nuclear family system prevailed.  

The main supporter of nuclear families is young Women of today, as today’s 99% young women are only willing to have a nuclear family on the pretext of burden of household work, harassment, ill-treatment etc. in joint family but the truth is, it gives them an unrestricted freedom of their choice beyond any ethics, values and responsibilities. The mind of these young women is more influenced by the feminists propaganda than their own grand mothers and other old females in their family. This change in mindset of young women and the added fuel to this thinking by the Government and other feminist pressure groups in the name of empowerment and equality to women coupled with enforcing of gender biased laws is the main reason of breaking of families and joint family system in India.

However, in nuclear family system too, the responsibility to keep family intact solely lies on Man only, besides his legal commitment of fulfillment of all other needs of the family. So, marriage has became a double edged sword for Men in India and Men faces a tricky situation, firstly, if he chooses a nuclear family under pressure from his wife, he is accused of leaving his parents & kin and carries this guilt for life, besides this, it gives undue elevation to the unscrupulous wife’s moral to dictate her terms and ill designs. Further, wife once successful in separating her husband from his parents and breaking the in-law’s family doesn’t stop there but instead encouraged with her this achievement she continue to adapt this strategy to make her husband to bow to her any unlawful demand(monetary, personal or social) in future. Under the threat of legal tools especially designed for her by Indian Government, husband has to obey her because the legal impunity granted to wife in India is very much clear from what even the Apex legal authority i.e. Hon’ble Supreme Court of India has reiterated to the husbands of this country time and again that “Move left if your wife says so or move to right if she desire so”.

Secondly, if he doesn’t leave his parents (because he is the one who lived with them for 25-30 years and very well know their habits & nature and is the best judge among both parents & wife), his life can be made hell easily by his empowered and legally strengthened wife, who with motives to take revenge, to secure her future and to extort money from him not only tries to teach lesson to him but to many others in his family by implicating them in various false criminal cases like dowry, domestic violence etc. which are so gender biased that they can be set into motion merely on her complaint.

In this scenario and ever increasing lust for money and power in Indian society, it becomes impossible to strengthen the bonds of ethics & values in family and the key qualities necessary to form a strong family like love, support, friendship, and guidance looks a distant dream. But strangely & ironically, everybody(judiciary, society or Government) still expects from Man, who is already in such a hot soup with social as well as legal adversities all around to save family/marriage. The Man is panelized economically, emotionally, physically and socially for any failure of marriage/family as he is the one who is supposed to and is legally made responsible to save the family / marriage. Nobody be it society, Government, judiciary or police is giving any heed to his problems/pressures but continues to pamper women on the age-old beliefs & myths. So, the big question remains in front of him is  How to save family (may be joint or nuclear) or marriage ?  All the wild blames are directed towards him but his endless sufferings goes-by unnoticed. Moreover, in this bad situation, he is being alienated more & more by gender biased laws and the only solution that emerges for Man is to say NO to marriage itself. Is this what the society, Government or feminists want ?

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RIGHTS WITHOUT RESPONSIBILTIES

July 3, 2010

It’s a well known principle  thatRights don’t exist without Responsibilities”.

 How ironical is this in Indian Scenario?

 In India

 The moment a woman marries, it becomes immaterial whether she has discharged any matrimonial responsibilities or not but Indian legal system  automatically bestows her with the Rights :

  •  To implicate any near & dear to her in-laws including her husband in criminal or civil cases.
  • To legally extort or threaten the in-laws to bow down to her wishes.
  • To have full satisfaction of her biological need(Sex)
  • To have all types of protections against domestic violence viz. emotional, verbal, financial, physical, psychological etc.
  • To have maintenance from husband to never feel like loosing anything.
  • To fight legal battle in courts against her husband with his money itself.
  • To deprive the Child Custody to husband while raising her children on his money itself.
  • To have Alimony for rest of her life so that he cannot forget her.

 Now let us talk about the Man

 The moment a man marries in India he is automatically burdened with the Responsibilities & Duties for life :

  • Providing safe environment to wife where nobody could ask a question to her on her matrimonial responsibilities.
  •  Providing full satisfaction to his wife of her biological need(Sex).
  •  Providing full monetary, physical, emotional, social support to wife and children. 
  • Providing all types of Protection against domestic violence viz. emotional, economical, verbal, physical, psychological, social etc. to his wife & children. 
  • Providing Maintenance to his wife & children including the money to them to fight cases against himself. in addition to provide maintenance to his own parents & family. 
  • Providing maintenance for every need of his children but can’t have custody of children. 
  • Providing Alimony for life to wife & children for their bright future.

 So as per above. Man is made to keep on discharging his responsibilities during and even after breaking up of marriage, on the other side, woman is completely free of any responsibilities (during or after)but enjoys full rights even after breaking up of marriage( when she is definitely not discharging any matrimonial responsibilities in connection with this marriage )

 Why this discrimination among genders?

 The Great Indian Rationale

In Indian belief the Marriage is a Sacred Institution and “is a Union of Two Souls into One”. It seems that giving this spirit of Indian marriage prime importance, the government and lawmakers in India is trying to maintain the Rights & Responsibilities connection intact in matrimonial matters in different way. Considering wife & husband as a single soul, they have intrinsically distributed the Rights & Responsibilities among them. In this process, they have enacted and enforced many gender biased laws and has converted the institution of marriage into a biased Corporate where one spouse has been given only Rights without Responsibilities and the other spouse is burdened with only Responsibilities & Duties without any Rights for life.

 Do you think, this way the spirit of Indian Marriage can be kept alive?